Okay, so we all know what's going on out there.
Things are getting crazy and we’re around 2 hours away from full-blown looting breaking out. But like the trooper I am I’m still providing you with a dedicated Things To Do shaped 5* service.
So if you’re out and about, stuck in your gaff or locked up in a bunker with only Robocop on VHS and 1000 tins of beans to keep you company – you’ll be fine…
Support your local businesses
So the official advice from that floppy-haired goon in Number 10 is to avoid any unnecessary gatherings or even contact with people – giving pubs, clubs and theatres the wide berth. The big problem though is that he’s not actually said that these places MUST close – avoiding any insurance bills of liability once this all blows over. Now I’m not a doctor, or even a medical expert, but if you want to support your local independent businesses that are going to be the hardest hit – you still can. Whether it’s paying them a visit, ordering some food or drinks for delivery or buying some gift vouchers right now – every little helps. Just make sure you’re clean, safe and above all – that you have fun.
This Sunday sees everyone look to celebrate the life and times of the female who pushed them out of her vagina. Thanks for that mother. For most people she’s also the person who looked after you as a kid, and continues to look after you today, giving you valuable advice about that horrible person at work and helping you shift a particularly difficult red wine stain from your favourite polo shirt. With everything that’s going on it might not be the best idea to take her out, but at least go and see her and give her a kiss. At the very least – get on the bloody phone to her and see how she’s doing.
Netflix & Chill
There are, of course, more streaming platforms than Netflix nowadays but I’m definitely not going to bother paying for them all and so I’m going to assume that you feel the same way too. So if you’re stuck in your house this might be one of your only lifelines away from hours of boredom. So what to watch? Top of your list should be Better Call Saul – it’s outstanding, and continues to impress each week. There’s also Sex Education (you detty pigs), The Thick of It, American Vandal, Dark… the list could go on forever. Or you could just do the unthinkable and start Star Trek from the very beginning – that should make the next two weeks go VERY quickly I’m sure.
Do some drawings
Or some other form of creative, useful hobby. Basically you can’t sit in your house and just watch telly all the time – your brain will turn to mush and, if my childhood is to be believed, you eyes will go square. So get away from a screen and do some drawings, do some sewing or maybe just re-organise your wardrobe into colour order. Tell you what – grab a book and have a read. Something thick and gripping (and I don’t mean the Argos catalogue).
Vinyl delivered straight to your door (so you can have a dance)
Everyone likes to have a dance and so this is the perfect opportunity. Get Spotify fired up and get listening to your favourite bands and performers. Alternatively, if you’re more of a vinyl fan, Wilderness Record Store are offering a vinyl delivery service to anyone who is self-isolating – meaning you can get your favourite album delivered straight to your door. It’s done by someone on a bike though so if you live too far away then you’re out of luck. Sorry!