Things to do in Manchester this week: 15th – 21st March 2019

Including St Patrick's Day, the 90's, gin and the scariest film ever made.

1990-1999 ft. Shola Ama + Alison Limerick @ Albert Hall
Friday 15th March
Throughout the 90’s I managed to grow from a perfectly acceptable young lad, with lovely blonde hair, blue eyes and a cheeky disposition into an overweight, grotesque monster of a man, eating brie and drinking full fat Coke while playing Quake on my Intel Pentium MMX Packard Bell PC. One of the only things that got me through those dark times was a double cassette copy of ‘The Greatest Hits of 1993’ which I would play endlessly over and over on my tape deck from Tandy. The tunes on it were fucking brilliant, and still are, which is why I’m going to be loving this 90’s night at the Albert Hall this Friday. Shola Ama will be performing live on stage. Shola Ama.

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Depeche Mode Disco @ Night People
Friday 15th March
I remember once when I went to go see Depeche Mode in concert in Barcelona and it ended up being one of the best gigs I’ve ever been to. It still is to this day. Not only were the lads on proper good form but the venue also sold these brilliant hot dogs for 1 Euro which were actually the best hot dogs I’ve ever eaten. Basically all I can remember from the gig is the hot dogs – so if you’re ever in Barcelona – try and find them. In the meantime, head to Night People on Friday for a Depeche Mode Disco featuring the world’s greatest song ever – Enjoy the Silence.

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Michelle McManus: Pop Goes The Idol
Friday 15th March
Everyone remembers Michelle McManus right? She’s that one who won Pop Idol back in 2003 when most of us were still in school worrying about covalent bonds in physics class with Mr Chimes. Actually I’m old enough to remember everything about her – including her stunning rendition of ‘On the Radio’ by Donna Summer in the final. Since smashing the face off Louis Walsh and Pete Waterman the music game has run a bit dry for Michelle so she’s reinvented herself as a comedian of all things. Her show at the Waterside in Sale this week will feature plenty of jokes, a few songs and probably some stories that make Simon Cowell look like a right knob.

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The Reno at the Whitworth
From Friday 15th March
I think it’s safe to say that The Reno Club in Moss Side was quite possibly one of the most influential and important clubs in the history of our great city. DJ Persian presided over 7 nights of the world’s greatest funk and soul as well as providing a safe and welcoming space for many of the city’s marginalised communities. It was far greater than the Hacienda ever could be and this week sees the start of a brilliant exhibition at the Whitworth looking at the history, stories and people behind the Reno. Go. Go now.

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St Patrick’s Day
Sunday 17th March
Like most people this Sunday I’ll be scouring my family tree looking for any sort of Irish relative in the hope that I can celebrate St Patrick’s Day with more gumption than St George’s Day. Unfortunately, both sides of my family were devout Oldhamers so the likelihood of anyone in that tree coming from anywhere outside of an OL postcode is VERY slim. I’ll just have to lie like everyone else then. Obviously there’s enough things going on in the city to satisfy even the most persistent Plastic Paddy including Jameson flogging whiskey in pretty much every single establishment in the city and loads of live music. Check this out for more information and ideas…

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Ringu and Battle Royale Screening @ Stockport Plaza
Wednesday 20th March
This week sees two of Japan’s greatest movies get a screening back-to-back at the Stockport Plaza – a chance for you to first be so scared that you poo yourself slightly and then watch a gang of teenagers massacre each other in a Hunger Games-style scenario that guarantees absolutely no Jennifer Lawrence. It must be said – the original Japanese Ring film is quite possibly the most frightening movie ever made – with just a little too much long black hair and enough manky eyes to make even the most sensible human shit themselves. Pairing it up with Battle Royale is a stroke of genius – and guarantees a brilliant afternoon.

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Hot Ones Challenge at BAB
Wednesday 20th March
This is the perfect event for all of you lot reading this who like to eat hot stuff. Like proper hot things. To be honest there’s only about 2 people who actually read this each week and I know for a fact that they don’t like hot stuff. Mainly because chillies give my mam heartburn and Jonny won’t scoff anything too hot for fear of his eyes popping out of his head. If you think you can handle some heat though head to BAB on Wednesday as they present their first Hot Ones Challenge. Basically you’ve got to eat the hottest meat and sauces known to man and not cry or shit yourself. Easy right?

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Distilled Masterclass with Beefeater Gin @ Brasserie Abode
Wednesday 20th March
If someone told you to describe the worst tasting liquid in the world I reckon I could save you plenty of effort and just present you with a little muffet of gin. The combination of vodka, botanicals and juniper is quite possibly the vilest tasting liquid ever invented but when you pair it with some tonic, a shit load of ice and a slice of lemon it becomes one of the best drinks ever to grace the lips of man- (and woman) kind. This week sees legendary gin peddlers Beefeater head to Brasserie Abode for their latest Distilled Masterclass which will feature an extravagant 5 course dinner alongside more gin than Audrey Roberts at Alf’s wake.

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Limmy: Surprisingly Down to Earth, and Very Funny @ HOME
Thursday 21st March
Put down that muffet of tea and relax – Limmy is coming to town. Unfortunately, it’s pretty much all sold out so there’s not really any point in me writing about it and telling you the vibes. I’m only writing this in the slim chance that Limmy himself reads it and personally offers me a couple of tickets to the gig at HOME. Limmy mate – sort us out. I’ll repay you with sexual favours and/or a trip to Millport.

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Spirited Away
Thursday 21st March
There’s this film about a girl who goes through a tunnel and her parents turn into pigs and then she starts working in a bath house and she then meets a boy who is also a dragon and then she gets on a train to nowhere and meets an old woman while a bloke with no face follows her and then she manages to turn her parents back into humans and then she goes home to live in a new house with no trauma or issues whatsoever. That film is Oscar winning Spirited Away from the gang at Studio Ghibli and it’s well worth a watch. Get involved this week at the Odeon.

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