Right so we're into November now and annoyingly, things are already gearing up for Christmas.
Now that Halloween is out of the way, there’s nothing to stop Santa with his big mucky beard and gout from steamrolling into the city. And he’s starting this week the chubby sod. Luckily there’s a few other things to break it up as well. Enjoy.
#Crime Live – Evening Event
Friday 3rd November, 7pm
Your chance to unleash your inner CSI person – perhaps it’s that one who is ginger and has a weird smirk on his face all the time, or that other guy who looks like Lt Dan from Forrest Gump – at #CrimeLive this week. It’s your chance to become a detective for the night, working with forensics to solve a crime. You’ll examine fingerprints, look at splatter patterns and even learn all about the difficult work that goes into crime scenes and nicking the people that done it. It may also be useful if you’re looking to pull off the perfect crime, acting as a form of research to ensure you don’t get caught. Tickets can be bought right here:
The Rink at Cathedral Gardens
Starts Saturday 4th November
The powers that be have finally decided where to plonk the Ice Rink this year and so you can head on over to Cathedral Gardens to get your skates on and shuffle around in a circle for 30 minutes. I’m not sure what all of the goths/emos/vampires are going to do now though – they’ve got nowhere to hang out and talk about Limp Bizkit and their favourite shades of black. They are the real victims this Christmas. The forgotten few. I don’t know what else to say about this – there’s an ice rink – go skating. Or don’t. Whatever.
Manchester Vintage & Street Food Market
Saturday 4th November, 10am – 4pm
Down one of them old streets in Ancoats, streets where little kids in knitted jumpers used to play curby in between shifts at the textile mill, there’s going to be a Vintage Fair on Saturday, complete with Street Food to feed your fat face between stalls. It’s a FREE event and there promises to be over 45 vendors peddling their musty old clothes – but considering the only real viable alternative nowadays for clothes is Primark – this is definitely the better option. If anyone finds any Levis Flares – buy them. Then come to the Finest office – I’ll buy ’em off you. Tenner.
Royal Mills, Unit 9a Royal Mills, Redhill Street
Manchester Christmas Lights Switch-on
Saturday 4th November, 7.30pm
So here we have it – the event that all dogs despise almost as much as Bonfire Night itself – the Christmas Lights Switch on. The council have probably already shelled out a few grand for the fireworks, which are usually pretty decent to be fair. One thing I don’t understand are those absolute nuggets who film firework displays on their phone. As if you’re ever going to go back and watch it – show your friends, or get your mam and dad round and show them on a big screen. Just watch it with your eyes. On the night there’s loads of ‘celebrities’ performing and generally trying to flog you stuff. It’s free though which is always nice.
Sunday 5th November
Talking of fireworks – it’s also Bonfire Night on Sunday and there’s a load of events going on all around Greater Manchester. I’m obviously not going to list them all here – that would be madness – so you can just click THIS to see where and when things are happening. Past favourites of mine have been Heaton Park and Platt Fields. Wythenshawe Park is also decent if you want to burn an old washing machine and not get in trouble. The whole celebration is weird, but the parkin and toffee is great so just go along with it.
WWE RAW & SMACKDOWN
Monday 6th (RAW) & Tuesday 7th (Smackdown)
What is the difference between Raw and Smackdown? Why are they each on different days? Why do these wrestlers get 2 days at the Arena? Well fear not, I’m here to help. First of all, Raw and Smackdown are very different parts of the World Wrestling Federation (or WWE because that panda saving charity took WWF). When you’re watching RAW it means that all of the wrestlers are left handed, meaning there is more skill involved and much more physical contact. On the other hand, Smackdown means that each wrestler is rubbed vigorously with Salted Lurpak before each bout, resulting in a slippier, more difficult and overall more erotic experience for all. There’s still tickets left so if you want to watch them, get involved.
Cabaret @ The Lowry
Starts Tuesday 7th November
Starting at The Lowry this coming Tuesday, Cabaret is a multi-award winning production, made most famous with the film starring Liza Minelli and Michael York in 1972. It tells the story of a night club singer, belting out cabaret songs during the dying days of the Weimar Republic and into the Nazi regime in 1930’s Germany. So there’ll be singing and dancing and 30’s costume and legs flying all over the place and Nazi uniforms and everything you’d expect from a top-notch musical production. I understand that it’s a little bit depressing though – so perhaps tape You’ve Been Framed this weekend to watch when you get home afterwards.
PopUp Painting @ Common
Tuesday 7th November, 7.30pm
Basically, you head on over to Common, they provide all the equipment, you sit in a circle and you attempt to paint – all while having some booze and having a laugh. Sound good? Well, this week’s painting is Starry Night by Van Gogh – which you can see above. If you reckon you can give a bloody good go at painting it, or want to produce your own abstract interpretation of it featuring Batman flying a pterodactyl through the sky, then cruise on down. There’s a few tickets left, available from here:
Thursday 9th November
For its 30th Anniversary Predator is back at the cinema, and you too can have yourself some fun watching the exploits of a bunch of sexual Tyrannosaurs roaming around the jungle, muscles glistening in the sun while they are stalked by a half-Jean Claude Van Damme, half-8 foot tall bloke with dreads. I’ve never seen it at the pictures – but can only imagine the protracted jungle scenes, where you’re looking for the Predator, are even more effective than when seen on your telly. Oh and when Arnie and Apollo Creed clasp hands – those muscles are going to be BIG.