I’ve just got back off my holiday and it really was way too hot. I spent a week under an umbrella on the beach, just sweating and breathing heavily. I’m back now though and I feel a little out of the loop – looks like there’s plenty going on this week though to bring me back into line with you Manchester lot and show off my crap tan…
Rochdale Feel Good Festival
Friday 11th & Saturday 12th August
There’s rather a few outdoor events this weekend, which looks like a good thing considering the weather and the fact that there is never anything on telly during the day on a Saturday or Sunday. Except John Wayne films. And Colombo. Friday and Saturday sees the FREE Rochdale Feel Good Festival rear it’s lovely head, with plenty of street food and booze, as well as some half-decent bands all located on the door step of Hitler’s favourite Northern town hall. Razorlight are the big boys here this year, and I’m sure the people of Rochdale will easily be able to handle Johnny Borrell’s over-inflated ego. They’ll be bopping away to 2006’s mid-chart hits in no time.
Caribbean Carnival of Manchester
Saturday 12th & Sunday 13th August
Since staring in Moss Side in the 70’s, the Manchester Caribbean Carnival has continued to be a bright spark of fun, dancing and celebration in an otherwise drab and dull August month when most people are on holiday or just heading to B&Q every weekend to finally finish that bannister they started 2 years ago. Set over Saturday and Sunday in Alexandra Park, you can expect 10 stages of music, dance and costumes, as well as some stunning traditional food to keep your energy up for the dancing. Don’t forget the parade either – it’s through the streets of Moss Side, starting on Saturday from Alexandra Park from 12.30. You can check out the route, as well as plenty more details, on the website.
Cotton Clouds Festival 2017
Saturday 12th August
Another festival and another addition to this list extending eastwards out of the city. Rochdale have the Feel Good Festival so naturally Oldham have to try and beat them, and it’s clear from the get-go that Cotton Clouds beats them hands-down. This bad boy is a proper festival so you can expect grass, bands, food, booze, girls in flower headbands and lads in Adidas cagoules pissing on fences.
Headlining the day will be The Coral who did that song that was at the end of that episode of Scrubs where JD and Elliot finally got off with each other and so will forever be engrained in modern society and culture. Check out the website for more of who is playing because I cannot be bothered just listing them here as if I know who they are.
Diggers Delight @ Eastern Bloc Records
Sunday 13th August
There’s nothing better than finding a bargain. First of all you’ll have managed to actually find something that is cheap in this day and age – a time when value for money is very difficult to come by. Just ask anyone who has recently bought a Toblerone. Mostly dads in airports. Secondly, it gives you the perfect opportunity to lord your find over other people. There’s nothing more smugly satisfying than telling someone that you got something for dirt cheap, while everyone else has to pay loads. If you’re into bargains and records, Eastern Bloc are dedicating a full day for ‘Diggers’ with all records being priced £3 or 4 for a tenner. Happy hunting tight wads.
Eastern Bloc Records, 5A Stevenson Square, Manchester M1 1DN
0161 228 6555
Beauty and the Beast @ The Oast House
Tuesday 15th August, 7pm
In a bid to fill this article with things between Monday and Wednesday I have been forced to add in the Oast House’s screening of this year’s Beauty and the Beast on their massive screen. Tale as old as time. Song as old as rhyme. Beauty and the Beast tells the story of Belle, who gets kidnapped off some hairy fella in a big, manky castle and gets told to stay out of the West Wing. She almost immediately goes into the West Wing – thus proving to the Beast that she is sneaky and untrustworthy. He learns to trust her though and they end up getting off with each other in a way that is both a good message to children about the importance of inner beauty, as well as a good gig for the impossibly attractive Dan Stevens and Emma Watson. It’s not as good as the cartoon version, but nothing else is. It’s free.
The Oast House, The Avenue Courtyard, Spinningfields, Crown Square, Manchester M3 3AY
0161 829 3830
Fan v Coronation Street Cast Quiz @ Black Dog Ballroom NQ
Thursday 17th August, 7.30pm
Black Dog Ballroom NQ have managed to arrange an absolutely bloody brilliant quiz while I’ve been on holiday – one which I’m going to try my bestest to be at because I reckon I can bloody win it. Hopefully there will be plenty of questions revolving around Spider, Reg Holdsworth and Les Battesrby’s denim jacket as Black Dog plays host to a Fan Vs. Corrie Cast quiz this Thursday. There’s loads of the current cast turning up – including my personal favourite – Georgina Taylor (Toyah Battersby) to battle the great unwashed with rounds centring on Corrie past and present, the history of Manchester and because this is a charity event for Pride – the LGBT community. Tickets are 10 British pounds and include a slice of Crazy Pedro’s pizza, a welcome drink, a photo with the cast and all proceeds will be donated to Manchester Pride.
Black Dog Ballroom NQ, 52 Church St, Manchester M4 1PW
0161 839 0664
A Levels Results Night
Thursday 17th August
If you’re 17 or 18 you will have spent the last weeks of college absolutely shitting yourself, revising and worrying that you were going to mess up your exams so badly that you’ll end up working in a pie factory in Wigan. Well first of all, working in a pie factory is actually pretty good fun so don’t worry about that. As is working in Maccies, a supermarket or as my mate Scott will tell you – as a bin man. Best job he’s ever had. Whatever your results, the establishments of Manchester will be hosting a variety of massive nights so you can shout, dance and get off with each other before moving on to pastures new. Messiest of these nights will most likely be at one of the All Nighters at 42s or The Venue.
42’s, 2 Bootle St, Manchester M2 5GU
The Venue Nightclub, 29 Jackson’s Row, Manchester M2 5WD