I’ve sort of lost all motivation for April right now. I just can’t be bothered. The weather might have improved a little bit but the month is definitely dragging. Hopefully that will all change once it gets to the Bank Holiday next weekend. There’s always some good stuff going on around then. To be fair though, there’s still plenty going on before then, as this list will confim.
I didn’t even know the Harlem Globetrotters were still going, but apparently they are. Basically if you have a kid who buzzes off basketball, or you like to see tight, muscled bodies bending and flexing while covered in a shiny film of sweat then head to the Manchester Arena and watch these mental-cases do stupid stuff with basketballs and hoops. I’m pretty sure they got a Guinness World Record recently for passing a fully inflated basketball through the digestive system of a baboon – so maybe they’ll do that too.
Tickets start at £25
Manchester Arena, Victoria Station, Hunts Bank, Manchester M3 1AR
Ramsbottom Chocolate Festival
Saturday 8th – Sunday 9th April, 10am – 4.30pm
Augustus Gloop will be descending on Ramsbottom this weekend for their 8th annual Chocolate Festival and you had better get there before the tubby sod eats it all. The whole event is the epitome of family-friendly, with markets selling a massive range of chocolate themed products. So you can expect chocolate Playstation 4’s, chocolate jumpers, chocolate underpants and presumably chocolate fruit and veg. There’s plenty of things to distract kids enough so you don’t have to properly look after them too.
Manchester Anime and Gaming Con 2017
Saturday 8th – Sunday 9th April, 10.30am – 12am.
Unfortunately I don’t know enough about the intricacies of Anime and Gaming in order to sufficiently sneer and undermine this event so I will try to be sincere. Held at Sudgen Sports Centre and The Pub/Zoo on Grosvenor Street, if you’re into anime, video games, comics, sci-fi or dressing up in outfits that you need to tell people what they are – then this is the place to go. There’s a massive list of events occurring over the two days which I simply cannot be arsed typing out – so head over to the website if you are interested and see what the craic is.
Sugden Sports Centre, 114 Grosvenor Street, M1 7 Manchester, United Kingdom
Starts Saturday 8th April
This week sees the National Theatre and Bristol Old Vic’s production of Jane Eyre head to The Lowry and it’s been described as “a fresh, exciting and endlessly inventive production”. Although to be fair it was the Evening Standard who wrote that – and for anyone who’s ever been down to London – that paper is absolute bobbins. There’s a reason why you typically find it covered in vomit on the Tube. Jane Eyre should be good though.
Tickets are £28
The Lowry, Lowry Outlet, Pier 8, The Quays, Salford M50 3AZ
Better in the 90s vs Blue Monday
Saturday 8th April, 11pm – 3am
There’s a big party down at Antwerp Mansion this Saturday and for once I’ve actually heard of some of the music that they’ll be playing. That’s because it’s a 90’s (ish) night; with Better in the 90’s and Blue Monday setting the soundtrack for your night. So you can expect to hear some top 90s tunes including Ultra Nate, Haddaway and Craig David, alongside some more indie related vibes from Arctic Monkeys, MGMT and The Strokes. Early bird tickets are only £1 too!
Antwerp Mansion, Rusholme Grove, Manchester, M14 5AG
Class of 1987 @ Gorilla
Sunday 9th April, 12pm – 8.30pm
Regular readers of this feature will know that I like to include an old film for you to watch to distract you from your depressive existence. Although what’s more depressing is that I think that anyone even reads these things. Anyway, Gorilla are providing the perfect event for me this week with a massive 1987 Film-A-Thon featuring 4 brilliant films:
The Princess Bride: Man wears stupid mask while another avenges his dads murder at the hands of a six fingered idiot.
Masters of the Universe: Monica from Friends and Mr Strickland from Back to the Future team up with Ivan Drago to fight a skeleton with a sword.
Lethal Weapon: A white man with a mullet becomes friends with a black man with a moustache.
The Lost Boys: Impossibly stylish vampires and the two Corey’s fight head-to-head.
Tickets are £11
Gorilla. Arch 54/56 Whitworth Street West, Manchester
Tez Ilyas – Made in Britain Tour at Frog and Bucket
Sunday 9th April, 7pm
Blackburn-born legend Tez Ilyas will be stopping off at the Frog and Bucket during his nationwide tour this Sunday to blast some comedy at anyone within hearing distance. You’ll probably recognise him off the telly, most likely on some programmes on Dave or something – I don’t know – I don’t watch telly. Tickets are only a tenner for this so it’s a great chance to catch this rising star of British comedy where he belongs – up north.
Frog & Bucket Comedy Club, 102 Oldham St, Manchester M4 1LJ
At Last: The Etta James Story
Monday 10th April, 7pm
As with many of the most brilliant artists – Etta James’ life was not just your run-of-the-mill story what you would see today. Nowadays music stars are plucked from Italia Conti, given a This Morning style make over and then forced to sing on SM:TV every week until kids start buying their albums. In contrast, Etta James’ turbulent life makes Pete Docherty look like a Girl Guide and the Royal Northern College of Music will be telling the story this Monday, complete with some of her most beloved songs. Finally, some proper music.
Royal Northern College of Music, 124, Oxford Rd, Manchester M13 9RD
Sarah Tullamore presents: London – Paris – Roam!
Tuesday 11th April, 7.30pm
If you’re a fan of variety – and I mean in the theatrical sense, not whether or not you like a bag of Revels when sat in the cinema – then head on down to the Kings Arms in Salford on Tuesday for Sarah Tullamore’s production. It’s a show chronicling her globetrotting life so far; singing songs and telling stories about it; sometimes funny, sometimes moving. Here’s a quote from a review website: “The script is tight, the Franglish spot on, and the softer moments touching. Overall, a charming performance!”
Tickets are £10
Kings Arms, 11 Bloom St, Salford M3 6AN