Things to do in Manchester this week: 31st August – 6th September 2018

I'll get this out of the way first - this week is going to be pretty terrible for things to do. I've spoken to Jeeves, given Alta Vista a nudge, belled Yahoo and had a few pints with Bing and still nothing.

I don’t know what it is – perhaps the city’s establishments are feeling post-Bank Holiday fatigue and can’t be bothered doing anything. I know how they feel to be fair. Anyway – here’s what I’ve come up with this week…

The Kevin Hart Irresponsible Tour
Friday 31st August
Personally I think Kevin Hart is probably one of the most annoying men in the world – but I suspect that this is solely because of his movies and the roles he plays. In real life I’m positive he’s a very nice bloke, and The Rock seems to like him so he’s probably a top geezer. His films though. Nah sorry – not my vibe. If I look into my mind’s eye now and think of Kevin Hart, what I see is him screaming his head off at something in a completely unnecessary way – perhaps as a CGI cow eats his hat or something. It’s all a bit OTT. Word on the street though is that his stand up is very good and although tickets don’t come cheap – there’s still some left.

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N-Trance in Oldham
Saturday 1st September
I’m always a little bit excited when something actually happens in Oldham and so this weekend has got me all hot under the collar as Oldham legends N-Trance head back to their home town to hit the decks at Liquids on Saturday night. If you can’t remember N-Trance (either because you are too young or you were too fucked) they were a belting Electronic/Hardcore band from the 90’s who all met when they were studying at Oldham College. In my now obligatory Spotify playlist section of this round up you’ll notice probably their biggest hit – Set You Free – an absolute fucking tuuunnneee and one that is perfect for a Saturday night at 1am after drinking 16 Blue WKD’s.

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SOMA Exhibition at Albert Hall
Sunday 2nd September
I’m going to pop my serious hat on now, which is a grey flat cap that has no tassels, glitter or mini propellers on the crown like all of my other hats do. This is because the SOMA Exhibition at the Albert Hall this week is a festival of art which aims to support homelessness in the city by working with Change4Good – a street outreach project that supports rough sleepers and the homeless community. The event is the legacy of 24 year old Graphic Designer Ryan Lammond, who sadly passed away in March and leaves behind a fantastic event filled with good music, live art, spoken word and loads more. Tickets are only £3 so get your hand in your pocket…

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The Mind Reader at Theatre Impossible
Monday 3rd September
As a man of science I find it very hard to believe that this bloke at Impossible will be able to read my mind. If he truly had that power then surely he would be the King of the World™ and rule over us all? He could just walk up to the Queen, give her a little wink and they’ll both know she’s a lizard and that he is now in charge. All politicians would be up shit creek because he’d know instantly if they’d been shagging a horse or kicking the homeless when nobody looked. Donald Trump – he’d be fucked. So I would definitely be very sceptical walking into Impossible, but I suppose that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t be enjoyable. Perhaps he CAN read minds and instead of world domination he just wants to entertain? Finest are going to be popping down to check it out anyway so we will let you know. If you want to see for yourself, get your ticket below.

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Dave Gorman: With Great PowerPoint Comes Great ResponsibilityPoint
From Wednesday 5th September
A man who, along with Tony Hawk and Danny Wallace, seems to have based his whole career on sitting in a pub and making ‘wacky’ bets with his mates in order to secure a book deal and a 5 part series on ITV2, Dave Gorman is hitting up The Lowry this week with his show ‘With Great PowerPoint Comes Great ResponsibilityPoint’. In it I presume he takes the piss out of PowerPoint, most likely with the help of PowerPoint itself. So it’s going to be like a lecture, but funny, and without the little Chinese lad at the front eating tuna straight from the tin. He’s on for 4 nights from Wednesday so if this all sounds right up your street – there’s enough chances to get involved.

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The Secret Life of Bats
Wednesday 5th September
Anyone who has been to the bat house at Chester Zoo will know that bats are pretty scary little buggers – flapping around all blind and erratic – slapping people in the head and giving them rabies. Not even Ace Ventura could grow to like the little blighters – mostly because of their stupid little flat faces I suspect. Well if you want to uncover the ‘secret life’ of bats – basically what they do when you’re not looking – then head on down to Tatton Park on Wednesday and their Park Ranger (who better wear a Stetson) will talk and show you the bats as they hunt for their evening meal of gnats, flies and little lost children.

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5 Course Organic Wine Dinner at Brasserie Abode
Wednesday 5th September
If you’re one of those people who stick their nose in some wine first instead of just necking it like I do then you’re going to enjoy this 5 course wine evening at Brasserie Abode. They’ve got together with a wine expert – a ‘wexpert’, to talk about 5 organic wines, which apparently taste nicer and are better for you than the normal wines which are full of dirty pesticides and futuristic muck. As anyone who has had the Organic Prosecco from ALDI will tell you – they don’t give you a hangover either. Brilliant. This evening will feature a lovely 5 course menu alongside 5 glasses of wine. Very nice.

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Lanigan & Hulme 1st Birthday Party
Thursday 7th September
Until fellow Finest writer Jonny mentioned Lanigan & Hulme to me this week I must confess, I’d never even heard of the place. You see, many people have described my appearance in the past as ‘scruffy’, ‘manky’ and ‘filthy little dirty bastard’ and so a place that sells premium high-end menswear – the kinda stuff you’d see on an Oxford University grad as he frolics in his 34 hectare grounds – has just never been on my radar. They are now though because this week they turn 1, and as such they’re hosting a big event in their Royal Exchange Arcade store complete with champagne, music, nibbles and best of all – 10% off all night. You’ll find the likes of Hackett, Crombie, Grenson and Sunspel in there as well as 2 amazing British Bulldogs who are cute AF.

Lanigan & Hulme Menswear, 9 Royal Exchange Arcade, Manchester M2 7EA
https://www.laniganandhulme.com/

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