Whistle While U Twerk @ Joshua Brooks
Friday 15th February
Combining two seemingly unrelated things and making something better is called ‘The Turner & Hooch Effect’. It comes from that film where Tom Hanks is a shit copper who ends up teaming up with a crime-fighting dog who’s determined to capture the sick buggers who killed his sweet, old owner. After a series of amusing high-jinx situations they end up becoming best buds, with Hooch even doing a brilliant speech at Tom Hanks’ wedding at the end. You should watch it. This night at Joshua Brooks is a clear example of this ‘Effect’ too – with Disney films being paired with pop RnB to create one of the most original (and brilliant) nights I’ve heard about in ages. Expect Frozen, Nicki Manaj, The Lion King and Rihanna – you get it.
CheeseFest
Saturday 16th & Sunday 17th February
For all you people out there who are lactose intolerant – stop reading now. Okay. There we go. Now we can talk about the important stuff in life – cheese. Gooey, salty, stringy cheese all around in and near my face. It truly is wonderful stuff – managing to elevate pretty much any foodstuff from “Meh” to “Fuck me, that was fit!” with a simple sprinkling and a melting. Imagine a pizza without it. It would be a travesty of nature. So for all you cheese lovers out there, this weekend sees CheeseFest return to Manchester, with the promise of over 150 types of cheese, a whole host of vendors, cooking demonstrations, live music and presumably – nightmares once you get to bed. There’s still a few tickets knocking about so go wild.
Ministry of Sound ‘Throw Back’ 90’s dance! @ Gorilla
Saturday 16th February
Ahhhh, the 90’s truly were a wonderful time for everything. Not only was Gazza the best football player in the world, but we also had Mr Blobby, the X-Files, FHM, Tomb Raider, The Big Breakfast and the best Saturday night television ever – starting on Blind Date, then going onto the Generation Game, Gladiators and finally a bit of Casualty before your dad sent you upstairs to bed so he could watch a bit of soft-core porn on late night Channel 4. The music was pretty good too – and up there with the best stuff must surely be all of that 90’s dance that was happening. Basically all you needed was a pair of massive cargo pants (with dangly bits), flailing arms and a keyboard and you were set. Gorilla and Ministry of Sound are going all out this Saturday and Brandon Block is even making an appearance.
The Full Monty
Starts Monday 18th February
Anyone on the look out to see a bunch of bloke’s willies – this week you’re in luck. Don’t worry, these will be proper working-class willies attached to big bellies and the occasional hairy arse. There’s none of that Chippendale or Magic Mike shite round here – these are proper British willies for proper British people. And so The Full Monty comes to town, and with it the story of a bunch of blokes on the dole who decide to get their kit off in order to make a bit of money and regain some dignity back to their lives. Yeah good one fellas! This production will feature the willies of many of your most favourite soap stars from the past, including Jamie Baldwin from Corrie, Mick the chippy owner from Brookie and that Gary one off Hollyoaks.
Les Misérables
Starts Tuesday 19th February
The story of Hugh Jackman, imprisoned for 19 years by Gladiator for stealing a loaf of bread has captivated West End and Broadway audiences for over 30 years now, and the fascination doesn’t look like it’s going to end any time soon. Not only do we have this new run in Manchester this week, but there’s also that new BBC adaptation of the story, the upcoming X-Box game where you wander around revolutionary France kicking peasants in the face, and of course the new Les Mis fashion range that will be hitting your local Primark at some point in the next few days. Ride the wave of popularity with a visit to the Palace Theatre to see some proper good singing – especially from whoever is playing that girl in that bit that Anne Hathaway did in the film I watched a while back.
Distilled Masterclass with Fever-Tree at Brasserie Abode
Wednesday 20th February
A few weeks back saw me attend a brilliant Wine Evening at Brasserie Abode – where I learnt an absolute shed-load of stuff about making wines, which I then forgot because I destroyed a whole series of brain cells by drinking too much of the stuff. The food and company was excellent though, and so this week’s Distilled Masterclass has been wholeheartedly endorsed by myself. Basically you get a proper lovely 5-course meal, alongside 5 cocktails which are presented by an ‘expert’ – who in the case of this one is from Fever-Tree. You know them – they’re the ones who make that proper posh tonic water to go with your gin. So you can probably expect some expert gin and tonic combinations – probably utilising flavours that you never thought possible – all while stuffing your face. Perfect.
Zombie Double Bill at Stockport Plaza
Wednesday 20th February
This weekly round-up of ‘Things to Do’ would not be complete without a screening of some sort of film on some sort of big screen. Gone are the days when I’d fill these pages with Wrestling in a car park or Workshops in Dry Walling – oh no, I’ve sorted it all out now – this is top grade stuff now. So this week’s films are part of a Grimmfest Zombie Double Bill and you’ve got two of the best zombie-com films ever: Shaun of the Dead and Zombieland. I don’t really need to elaborate much further on these beauties – they’re both brilliant and certainly well worth the £10 (and trip to Stockport) to see on the big screen.
