What if you didn't book something because you’re not clairvoyant enough to realise you'll be looking worse than Uncle Fester with the flu on a Sunday morning? Well here's some places to sort your head out, ready to get right back on it...
So you had a competition with a rugby lad to see who could drink a pint out of their own shoe the fastest. Best cruise round to Albert Schloss in the morning for one of the city’s biggest and most impressive cooked breakfasts - featuring a fantastic German sausage as its centre piece. They've only just started doing brekkie here, but they've managed to get together a fantastic menu, including their Royal Breakfast. Get yourself some of their veggie black pudding on the side too for a bit of extra soak-age. Oh and a cronut. Or two.
Albert's Schloss, 27 Peter St, Manchester M2 5QR
0161 833 4040
You had a top night and too many shandies and you just missed your bus and had to walk home in the rain. Come morning and you'd be a silly sod not to head to Koffee Pot at the top of Oldham Street who have been serving the great hungover masses of Manchester for absolutely ages now and they've got it down to an art. They have plenty to choose from including their massive Floppers (£16) breakfast, which even the fattest brickie would struggle to finish. I personally go for their Scottish brekkie but that's because I love haggis more than most things in the world. Team it up with a tin of Irn Bru or Tizer and you're sorted.
The Koffee Pot, 84-86 Oldham St, Manchester M4 1LE
0161 236 8918
So you drank too many Babycham's and fell asleep on the 41 and ended up in Sale. Best get yourself to Linda's Pantry for a brilliant slap up breakfast which doesn't need to come with any grass-fed, gem-encrusted bacon and hand shelled baked beans - because this is the real deal. Hidden down the side of Piccadilly train station, round the back of that big stupid car park in Ancoats, Linda's is probably the last remaining proper greasy cafe in the city - perfect for soaking up all the booze and reading a paper with the radio on in the background.
Linda's Pantry, 23 Ducie St, Manchester M1 2JL
0161 236 4252
So you had 13 tequila shots and vomited in some poor girl's hair on the dancefloor. Best head on down to Moose Coffee where you'll get a proper American (or is that Canadian) breakfast experience. Basically you're going to get way too much food for you to eat (unless you're a monster) but it will be fantastic. Quality and quantity. Stacks of pancakes, sided with some crispy bacon, eggs and maple syrup - all washed down with a massive milkshake or milky coffee - perfect.
Moose Coffee, 20 York St, Manchester M2 2BB
0161 228 7994
Who'd have thought that the cooked breakfast would have caught on? When those English people, grafting away in Biblical times decided to add an egg to some bacon and sausages, topped with a lovely tin of baked beans, they we're clearly onto something. It's obviously an absolute classic, and probably the pinnacle of English achievements alongside the two-footed slipper. If you're looking for a good one, give One88's a try - it's even got some lovely black pudding on there - perfick for a hangover!
One88 Bar and Kitchen, 188 Bury New Rd, Whitefield, Manchester M45 6QF
0161 280 0524
Home Sweet Home
So you got dumped last night and decided the best way to get over it was with a bottle of vodka and two litres of Cherryade. Best get you and your remaining friends down to Home Sweet Home then, one of the best places in the city to get some outrageous food in which to soak up all that alcohol (and tears). Not only do they do amazing pancakes and some brilliant breakfasts, they also do milkshakes which will seriously sort you out - their 5 Dollar Shake being a clear winner. Either that or you could just buy one of their cakes off them and eat it all to yourself to feel better. It probably will - they are amazing.
Home Sweet Home,
49-51 Edge St, Manchester M4 1HW
Great Northern, Deansgate, Manchester M3 4EN
So you went out on a night out to South, went out for a cigarette and fell asleep in some bin bags. Now you've woken up, it's only a few metres to Bill's at the bottom of John Dalton Street and plenty of breakfast options. I must admit to never actually being in here before - it is on this list purely by recommendation by my colleague Steven who, although he is one of the fussiest eaters I've ever met, he actually really enjoyed his breakfast at Bill's. A quick look at their menu confirms that you can choose from the likes of Full English, buttermilk pancakes, and more eggs than a Rocky training montage.
Bill's, 8-12 John Dalton St, Manchester M2 6JP
0161 834 2756
Things got a little bit out of control last night and your house party ended up on BBC News after 300 randomers turned up and scratched your neighbours Lexus. Best get yourself down to West Corner in the morning then for some American deli-style breakfast and brunch offerings, all encased in a rather swish and well decked-out interior. They've got all you could ever desire, proper breakfasts, pancakes and waffles - as well as probably one of the best Eggs Benedict I've ever had - it had halloumi with it and was proper good.
West Corner, 21 Hilton St, Manchester M1 1JJ
0161 241 7070
Zouk have just recently started offering brunch, which is a bit of a revolution if you ask me and something I'd never have thought I wanted - Indian brekkie. They offer a range of dishes, all with an Indian twist, including the Maharajas Breakfast and their Bollywood Benedict. My personal fave is their Mumbai Breakfast Bun - a fried egg sandwich with chorizo and sautéed spicy potatoes served in a brioche bun.
Zouk Tea Bar & Grill, 5, The Quadrangle, Chester Street, M1 5QS
0161 233 1090
Another Heart to Feed
You got so drunk that you fell off a chair at a wedding and broke a couple of ribs. Best take yourself to Another Heart to Feed in the morning and soak that booze up with some of their brilliant Melbourne-inspired dishes. Smashed avocado is a speciality here, and when topped with a perfectly poached egg and a smattering of beetroot houmous - you'll be sure to start feeling yourself in no time. You can also help the headache a bit with a couple of their excellent Aussie beers on offer.
Another Heart To Feed, 77-79 Chapel St, Manchester, Salford M3 5BZ
Alabama's All American Eatery
So it was your mums birthday and she decided it was a good idea to make her own version of sangria. The last thing you remember is pouring a bottle of blue WKD in with some red wine and apple segments. Now you're awake though, perhaps give Alabama's a go on Newton Street. To be fair, the first and only time I went to eat here it was a 25 minute wait, which I just couldn't physically do, so I went elsewhere, but my mate Bethan Adams highly recommends this place - sometimes too much if you ask me. Expect every breakfast dish you would find in some diner in America and most likely portions to match.
Alabama's All American Eatery, 10 Newton St, Manchester M1 2AN
0161 236 4666
You drank too many bottles of Lambrini down the park last night so it's probably a good idea to head to Common - for one thing only - Mexican breakfast. There's loads of great Mexican places in Manchester but the best place for a proper Mexxie-brekkie is by far Common, who do a Mexican Chorizo Hash which is pretty much one of the best things I've ever eaten. It's also perfect for soaking up the booze from the night before and sweating it out via your face. Add lashings of chilli sauce and you will be free to run a marathon or look after some toddlers in no time.
Common, 39 Edge St, Manchester M4 1HW
0161 832 9245
You were so plastered last night that you had to try and pretend to be sober for only 12 seconds while you walked past the bouncers and you failed miserably. You should probably take a trip to Trof in the Northern Quarter and give their Royal Brekkie a bloody good going over. It's got everything you'd expect from a great Full English, but more of it. And it gets served until 4pm - which considering the state of you last night, and the fact that you need to comb the vomit out of your hair first - is perfect. Trof is always a great place to sit and relax and chat and listen to some great tunes.
Trof NQ, 8 Thomas St, Manchester M4 1EU
0161 833 3197
It was a Brutus Gold Love Train reunion at The Ritz and after downing a bottle of vodka at your house you preceded to embarrass yourself by being at the front of a conga and falling over. Well worry not, because Federal is here to make you feel better, and as probably one of the most popular breakfast places in town - there's plenty on offer for you to eat (and Instagram). Sure it can get really busy at weekends but the food is well worth the wait, with all your delicious stodgy favourites, all topped off with a Bloody Mary or Mimosa to get you back on that wagon.
Federal Cafe Bar, 9 Nicholas Croft, Manchester M4 1EY
0161 425 0974
So you've woken up with your clothes still on, kebab wrapper next to your face, and the dog has managed to get into the bag of chips you bought last night and made a mess in the kitchen. Worry not, grab that lead, pop a Fisherman's Friend in your mouth and head on down to Altrincham Market to get rid of that hangover faster than John McClane on laundry day. There's everything you could ever want here at the market - all jostling to soak up the booze and leave you feeling satisfied. The atmosphere is great here too, perfect for a bit of socialising and banter about what happened last night and how mortified you are.
Altrincham Market, 26 Market St, Altrincham WA14 1PF
So you decided to spend approximately 75 quid in Wetherspoons last night and now you've lost the sight in one eye. Probably a good idea to feel your way to Enzo, which is tucked away down that little street down the side of Primark which makes heading down Market Street so dangerous. This place is here, again from recommendation and this time it's my colleague James who swears by their breakfast baps. Or barms. Or muffins if you're from Oldham and you know the real name for things. He says that they are massive, and he's a right greedy bugger so I believe him. They also do breakfast pizzas, including an Eggs Benedict one - which is probably the best idea in the world - ever.
Enzo, 20 Fountain St, Manchester M2 2AR
0161 413 0582