Hello everyone! Happy New Year and all that! I’m back from LA ready and rearing to tackle 2019 like the potential slippery little fucker it’s likely to be. Let’s get the new year off to a good start then…
The Morrissey Smiths Disco
Friday 4th January
One of the most famous and frequented nights in the city, The Smiths Disco at The Star & Garter is legendary, not only because of the venue itself but also because it’s a proper mucky piss up that’s impossible not to enjoy. This Friday then, if you’re looking to have a proper good night and get off with someone while listening to some Smiths tunes – this is your poison. You can’t buy tickets for it, you just have to pay a fiver on the door. It usually gets busy as fuck too so get there early doors – you can always have a few bevvies in the pub downstairs as you wait for it to get busier upstairs.
The Star and Garter, 18-20 Fairfield St, Manchester M1 2QF
Everything’s Gone Green: Vegan Festival @ YES
Saturday 5th January
Everyone is either going sans-Booze or sans-Meat & Dairy this month as Dry January and VEGANuary rear their tenacious little heads once again, and so the crew over at YES are getting in on the act this Saturday with a very fitting Vegan Festival. They’ll have a packed line-up of Street Food vendors including Oh Mei Dumpling, Doner Summer, Mama-Z and Los Antojitos – all offering a dazzling array of vegan delights for your gob hole. It’s free to get in and there’ll likely also be some belting tunes flying around, as well as plenty of cheap booze.
Manchester Velodrome Winter Cycle Jumble
Saturday 5th January
I’m a cyclist. There I’ve said it. I’m sure now you think I’m some sort of Lycra Lout with a £3000 bike, all the gear and no idea. Well, I’m not. My bike cost me £40 and I hate all of those pillocks. If someone feels the need to get dressed up like a complete tool just to go to work, thinking they look like Chris Froome – they’re an idiot. For all you other cyclists out there though – the ones who don’t have a short temper and a thirst for real ales – there’s a ‘Cycle Jumble’ this weekend where I suppose you can get a load of parts, accessories and even bikes for your purchasing pleasure.
Killing of a Sacred Deer @ YES
Sunday 6th January
I’ve never watched Killing of a Sacred Deer. I did ask someone what it was like though and the answer they gave me was “fucking mental”. That doesn’t really come as much of a surprise to me though because the film is by the same geezer who did ‘The Lobster’ and I would describe that movie as “fucking mental” too. This one also stars Colin Farrell, who is pretty brilliant, and if this geezer’s new film – the hotly tipped The Favourite – is anything to go by, it’s likely that this will be described as a modern cult classic for many years to follow. As if YES haven’t had enough love this week – they’re showing both the Killing of a Sacred Deer and Lobster this Sunday and it’s FREE.
Remake Remodel @ Soup Kitchen
Monday 7th January
It’s the first Remake Remodel of 2019 and so one of the city’s greatest nights can add another notch to its already precariously perched bed frame. Since we are sadly saying goodbye to the brilliant Ruby Lounge at some point over the next few weeks it’s fallen upon Soup Kitchen to hold the baton for the indie crowd – allowing the Remake Remodel lot douse the atmosphere with an evening of 60’s, 70’s, rock & roll and indie. Basically Blondie, Bowie and Bob Dylan.
Investigating UK’s Worst Unsolved Murders
Tuesday 8th January
For the measly price of 12 English Pounds you can sit down with acclaimed writer and former copper Peter Bleksley as he talks about some of the UK’s worst unsolved murders. Much like that TV show that was on Sky One in the 90’s, I expect he will conduct himself in a slightly sinister, but enthralling manner complete with leather jacket and tight Pepe Jeans. A must for any fans of true crime – he’ll talk about many of the country’s biggest unsolved murders and perhaps you can go away and solve them for yourself?
Street Food Trader Workshop @ GRUB
Wednesday 9th January
Do you fancy yourself as the next big Street Food phenomenon? Maybe you’ve watched that film with Jon Favreau – Chef – and fancy yourself as the next big thing on the food circuit. Or maybe you’ve just had enough of listening to your boss chat shit and strut around the office like a mongoose on acid every morning. Well, this week sees the gang at GRUB put on a Street Food Workshop, where potential street food traders can talk to existing street food traders and get advice on what to do and how to do it and how not fuck it all up. It’s FREE too!
Cookery Demo at Creameries
Wednesday 9th January
I don’t know how much brandy Mary-Ellen put into her Christmas Pudding this year but she’s come into 2019 with a vengeance – pretty much filling the Gregorian calendar with a whole host of events at The Creameries – with something for everyone over the next few months. One such event begins this week – it’s called Cookery Demos and Dinner and unless you’re a complete tit – the title alone should be enough to explain what’s going on. In the interest of fairness though I should probably elaborate slightly. Basically Mary-Ellen will be cooking a 3 course supper and you can ask her as many questions as you like, while also getting to drink some booze and then eat the food. Lovely stuff.
The Rocky Horror Show
Starts Wednesday 9th January
It’s time for you to head to your mam and dad’s house, sneak upstairs to their bedroom, slowly pull open your dad’s sock drawer and steal his suspenders, garter belt, bra and stockings because The Rocky Horror Picture Show is back this week at the Opera House. That bald bastard from the Crystal Maze, Richard O’Brien wrote this while studying Drama at Bretton Hall and it went on to become a massive stage musical, as well as a rather big movie – starring Richard himself as a long haired goon, and Meatloaf as a fat, long haired goon. It’s going to be a good one so get pissed up, let your hair down and enjoy yourself.
Speed Mateing with Girl Gang Manchester
Thursday 10th January
Everyone who is over the age of 8 knows that it’s pretty bloody hard to make friends, especially nowadays what with social media giving us all 1000 fake friends who we never speak to or even care about. That’s where Speed Mating comes in. If you’re a girl that is. Unfortunately, nobody has made one of these for blokes yet. Until they do though, girls will have the chance to meet other girls, to make friends, have a laugh and generally not feel like they are alone in a big, sometimes scary city like Manchester. It’s on next Thursday and it’ll cost you 5 quid to get over the threshold.