In fact there is absolutely bugger all going on past Sunday so you might as well just get into bed straight after work on Monday and catch up on some sleep. Or watch Last Action Hero on telly. Here’s what you can get up to before then though…
The Band @ The Opera House
Starts Friday 8th September
I’m certainly not someone who likes to line the pockets of cuboid-headed, monotone warbler Gary Barlow, but I felt I should let people know that The Band starts this week at The Opera House. If you’re a fan of Take That then you are in for a treat as a bunch of lads prance about on stage while singing their songs – probably with a thin semblance of some sort of plot about coming together and forming a band and becoming really successful. Much like the real-life experiences of Take That but without the fat jokes, the jealousy and the Lulu shagging.
Manchester Opera House, 3 Quay St, Manchester M3 3HP
0844 871 3018
Aristocats Film Night @ Cat Cafe
Friday 8th & Saturday 9th September
I’ve never been inside the Cat Cafe in the NQ and that is primarily because I don’t want any cats annoying me while I drink a Full-Fat Coke with a stonking hangover. Although they are infinitely better than dogs, cats can still be annoying, especially when they want their Kitekat replaced. At least that white cat, Arthur, could eat his own food out of the tin with his paws – most cats either can’t be bothered to do this or just love the power it gives them to see humans serving up their food. Back to topic and the Cafe is screening Disney’s Aristocats on Friday & Saturday which makes me want to try out some terrible cat-movie puns; such as Catsablanca, The Texas ChainPaw Massacre and Kitty Kitty Bang Bang. I Googled them. Sorry.
Cat Café, 103 High St, Manchester M4 1HQ
0161 222 4960
Prince Fatty @ Liars Club
Friday 8th September
This Friday sees Prince Fatty head to The Liars Club over near Bridge Street for a DJ set featuring presumably plenty of top Caribbean tunes and reggae galore. Even though he’s so unfortunately named, I’ve been assured by many that Fatty is brilliant and his mix of reggae and hip-hop will keep anyone dancing through the night. This particular night is also rather special because they have Blackwell Rum coming down who will be giving away loads of free rum, t-shirts and party poppers. That last claim is based on zero evidence, but if they don’t, I’ll never buy their rum ever again.
The Liars Club, 19A Back Bridge St, Manchester M3 2PB
0161 834 5111
Clint Boon – We Are Manchester @ South
Saturday 9th September
It’s the We Are Manchester gig this Saturday and if you were lucky enough to get a ticket, or are a bot and managed to slip through the net, then I’m sure you will be in for a cracking night featuring The Courteeners, the never-gonna-happen Oasis reunion and drum roll…Nadine Coyle from Girls Aloud. For the rest of us peasants who have to sit in our horrible homes and watch it on telly, there’s the option to head out afterwards to a whole wealth of We Are Manchester themed evenings in many of the city’s establishments. My pick would be to head over to South, where Clint Boon will be back behind the decks where he belongs – playing to annoying shouts of ‘Boon Army’ pretty much continuously all night.
South Club, 4A S King St, Manchester M2 6DQ
0161 637 5560
Group Therapy Comedy Club 5th Birthday @ Albert Hall
Saturday 9th September
There’s a massive comedy gig at the brilliant Albert Hall this Saturday so if you’re up for a giggle then you should probably go down and check it out. It’s the 5th birthday of Group Therapy – the semi-well-known comedy night that has traipsed around the city for, well, 5 years now. The night features Rob Delaney (top lad), Tim Key (that young geezer who was with Alan Partridge in that film) and a few more fellas who are proper decent and definitely not just making up the numbers. I think that live comedy sometimes gets overlooked in Manchester so this should be a good night if you like stand-up.
Albert Hall, 27 Peter St, City Centre, Manchester M2 5QR
0844 858 8521
World Black Pudding Throwing Championships
Sunday 10th September
This contest started in the 1980’s – before the Internet, before colour TV, before man set foot on the moon and before people knew how to entertain themselves. All they had was eyeliner, shoulder pads and the Pet Shop Boys. So some industrious man invented the World Black Pudding Championships in order to bring some entertainment to the people of Ramsbottom. The premise is absolute genius – Black Puddings are hurled at a pile of Yorkshire Puddings on a 20ft high plinth. People have three attempts to knock down as many Yorkshire Puddings as possible in what sounds like a dream I had once after falling asleep after I’d just finished a particularity rich Christmas dinner.
The Oaks Pub, 39 Bridge Street, Ramsbottom, BL0 9AD
Nikka Omakase Experience @ Cottonopolis
Sunday 10th September
I’d classify whiskey in the same category as olives, stilton and Radio 4 – things that you slowly start to like more and more as you get older. I’m still not there yet – a swift bottle of Buckfast or 2 crates of Blue WKD would be more preferential – but plenty of people love the stuff, and Cottonopolis are hosting an evening featuring one of the most exclusive whiskeys in the world – Nikka. Including whiskey tasting and some proper nice food, the night should be the perfect opportunity to try some whiskey that would otherwise probably be too expensive and difficult to find, while learning a few things about how it’s made – all while scoffing your fat face on the great food Cottonopolis are known for.
Cottonopolis Food & Liquor, 16 Newton St, Manchester M1 2AE
0161 236 5144
Bombay Brunch @ Black Dog Ballroom NWS
Sunday 10th September
Perhaps with a name like Bombay Brunch you’d be expecting some sort of spicy curry brunch dishes with chick peas and naan breads and some poppadoms and chutneys but you’d be wrong – as delicious as that sounds. Instead you’re going to be treated to a Bottomless Brunch where you buy one brunch dish and you then get unlimited Bombay Sapphire drinks for only £25pp. It’s probably one of the best things I’ve ever heard – considering I’m a massive fan of the classic G & T or even the Gin and Juice, or just Gin on its own. Or on my Cornflakes. Head on down to Black Dog NWS this Sunday for this one-off special event for MCR Loves Cocktails. It’s recommended to book on email@example.com
Black Dog Ballroom, 11-13 New Wakefield St, Manchester M1 5NP
0161 236 4899
Wednesday Night Quiz @ Fab Café Quiz
Every Wednesday, from 8.30pm
I have really struggled to get things in this list for during the week so I’ve decided to include the excellent Fab Café Quiz to the list just to remind everyone that it exists and it’s still excellent. I was there last week and although we only came 3rd (albeit it with only 2 points between us and the winners), it was still a lot of fun and is the perfect level of difficulty. It’s also worth noting that although it’s £1 per person to enter, if you win – you get all the money – and at half time they come round with free butties and crisps and nuts and cocktails sausages and cheese. Drinks are cheap as chips too.
Fab Café Bar, 111 Portland St, Manchester M1 6DN
0161 212 2997