You’re probably running out of money now with pay day coming up next week. Anyway, you can’t just sit in your house on a bed made from hay and newspapers and not do anything with your life. It’s time you put some tutty on, iron your jeans and get out of the front door – check this list for things to do…
Ultimate Power @ The Ritz
Friday 17th March
Words are difficult to use when describing Ultimate Power, and not just because I’m a borderline illiterate idiot. After having to move from the Ruby Lounge because it was too busy, Ultimate Power takes over The Ritz and delivers one of the most enjoyable nights you’ll ever have – jam packed full of the best power anthems you can grab your fist to. Expect to hear plenty of Bon Jovi, Meat Loaf, some Phil Collins, a sprinkling of Bonnie Tyler and more glitter than an explosion on Canal Street. I personally guarantee you will have a fucking fantastic night – if not, you can come and ram your shoulder pad down my throat.
The Ritz, Whitworth St W, Manchester M1 5NQ
https://www.ultimatepowerclub.com
St Patrick’s Day
Friday 17th March
Unless you’ve been locked up in a sex dungeon, you will be aware that it’s St Patrick’s Day on Friday and understandably Manchester’s bars and pubs have gone all out to provide for the Plastic Paddies out there. Check out a list of all the best offers and events happening around the city in this roundup. Highlights include the Manchester Irish Festival in Albert Square and massive calendar of live music and events over at the Printworks.
Levenshulme Night Market
Friday 17th March, 5pm – 9pm
If you’ve not been to Levy Market then you are missing out on some seriously good street food including Mediterranean, burgers, pancakes, waffles – to be fair they have so much that I’m going to just stop – otherwise it will just be a long list of food that you want to ram down your throat right now. Seeing as it’s also St Paddy’s day, the market has teamed up with the Manchester Irish Festival to provide 3 Irish dancing performances from Reel Rhythms, the Keegan Academy of Irish Dancing and the Grace Kennedy School of Irish Dancing. There’s plenty going on so head on down from 5pm till 9pm for this very special evening.
Levenshulme Market, Stockport Rd, Manchester M19 3PJ
www.levymarket.com
The Best by Richard Herring
Sunday 19th March @ 8pm
My mate Harry Lord loves this guy and it’s pretty clear to see why – not only has he been on the comedy scene since the 80’s but he has collaborated not only with old Stewart Lee, but other comedy legends such as Chris Morris, Armando Iannucci, Al Murray and even Norwich’s own Alan Partridge. His new show is surprisingly titled ‘The Best’ and could be seen as a trip down memory lane of Herring’s back catalogue of gags. Hopefully there aren’t too many about Jimmy Saville being a fantastic, selfless, dedicated charity role model in there.
The Lowry Theatre, Lowry Outlet, Pier 8, The Quays, Salford M50 3AZ
Tickets start at £18.50
Adopt a Farm Animal Day at Tatton Park
Sunday 19th March, 12pm – 5pm
Head on down to Tatton Park this Sunday and you will get the chance to meet some of their lovely farm animals, as well as adopt them. Unfortunately this doesn’t mean you can take them home and look after them in your backyard – not only will the neighbours in Didsbury be put off their Quinoa at the sight of a reindeer prancing around your shed – but the animals are obviously best looked after by the professionals. If you can get over this disappointment, you can have some banter with horses, reindeer and donkey’s as well as a pig so cute it makes Babe look like the Elephant Man.
Tatton Park, Knutsford, Cheshire, WA16 6QN
Entrance – £6 Adults, £4 Child
www.tattonpark.org.uk
Photo: Paul Simpson
Holi Festival of Colour @ Platt Fields Park
Sunday 19th March, 1pm – 4pm
Brought to you by those lovely people over at the Indian Association and raising money for WaterAid UK, Platt Fields will host the annual Holi Festival of Colour, featuring Indian music & dance, arts & crafts, food stalls as well as live entertainment and performances. So for 3 hours you can jiggle to plenty of Indian music and food whilst throwing loads of different colours at each other – all in the name of living more in harmony with nature instead of trying to destroy it. Make sure you take some clothes that you don’t mind being battered with a rainbow of colours – perhaps use that old Forever Friends t-shirt you bought in 1994 that has the Sweet & Sour stain down the front.
Platt Fields Park, Manchester M14 6LA
Entrance FREE
http://www.indianassociation.org.uk
Woman in Black
Monday 20th – Saturday 25th March
Yes I know that I’ve already included something from the Lowry Theatre. Is this geezer getting paid to put stuff in here for the Lowry? He’s definitely on the take the filthy crook! Well, I bloody wish – I’m getting shit all – it’s just that there are a couple of belters this week, and I thought you ought to get off your fat arse and get involved. To be fair, I’ve literally just bought my own tickets for Tuesday’s showing of Woman in Black – mostly because they were cheap and also because I’ve heard fantastic things about the production. Prepare to be scared silly by a stupid Victorian bloke and his own personal ghost – here’s the blurb if you’ve not seen the film; it follows a lawyer obsessed with the curse of the Woman in Black, engaging a sceptical young actor to help him tell his terrifying story. It all begins innocently enough before they reach further into his darkest memories and find themselves caught up in a world of eerie marshes and moaning winds. Proper scary.
The Lowry Theatre, Lowry Outlet, Pier 8, The Quays, Salford M50 3AZ
Tickets start at £15 (for Monday & Tuesday performances)
Back to the Future
Monday 20th March, 8pm
Quite possibly one of the most perfectly directed, written and acted films ever made, Back to the Future is an absolute bloody pleasure to watch – even if you’re not sexually attracted to your own mother. Grey-area incest aside – watching Michael J. Fox piss about on a skateboard while Huey Lewis and the News plays in the background on a big cinema screen is something that unless you’re over the age of 45 – you’ve seriously missed out on. Head on over to the Odeon in the Printworks with your denim jacket on and check it out this Monday.
Odeon Cinema, The Printworks, 27 Withy Grove, Manchester M4 2BS
2017 Betway Premier League Darts
Thursday 23rd March
There’s still tickets available for the Darts at the Nynex Arena on Thursday if you’re interested in a fantastic sports event filled with fizzy lagers, out-of-place scantily clad women and about 3 tonnes of beer bellies. Featuring all your favourite darts players such as Tim McHoof, Herbert Von Gronk and Terry Bolton, not only will you know much more about darts than I do just by attending but you’re in for a fantastic evening with a great atmosphere and banter. You might even get on the telly too. Although it will probably be Sky Sports 8 or something – still better than what Dale Winton can manage these days.
Manchester Arena, Victoria Station, Hunts Bank, Manchester M3 1AR
Tickets still available from £27.90
