Friday 18th May
Whoever came up with the idea to completely close off Deansgate for a few days to make a space for people to do athletics is either an absolute genius or a certified idiot. I find it crazy to think that anyone would want to travel down there to watch someone do some running or messing about with a big pole but they do - people love it. Well if you're one of them and are interested, Friday sees the Great CityGames kick off and there's a full evening of athletics that you can 'whoop' and 'cheer' at. Starting at 4pm there's pole vaulting, 200m hurdles, 100m - all the hits - plus some special appearances from the likes of Daley Thompson, Tessa Sanderson and Kriss Akabusi (probably).
Boosh Party! at The Deaf Institute
Friday 18th May
Okay here goes. I've never watched The Mighty Boosh ever so I asked Kate in the office what it's all about. Here's what I got from her description; There's these two blokes right and they work in a zoo in the first season and then they just piss about in a flat in the second season and then in the third season they work in Tesco or something. They are mates but they don't really like each other and they also live with a monkey and a witchdoctor-kinda guy. What happens is that they go on weird adventures featuring penguins, dogs, weird hats and a mouse. That's it I think. Is that right? I should probably watch it shouldn't I? If you like it though (or did like it when it was on telly 10 years ago) The Deaf Institute are having a Boosh Party on Friday and tickets are selling out fast. Get 'em below.
World Whiskey Day
Saturday 19th May
Saturday is the day where everyone grabs a pipe, slips into a silky paisley gown, grabs the nearest copy of Bravo Two Zero by Andy McNabb and gets to grips with some of the best liquids Scotland can provide. It's not all about Scotland nowadays though - there's world class whiskey from Ireland, Japan and even Sweden, and if you're into something a bit sweeter - those Yanks cook up a bloody good bourbon down there in Kentucky. To celebrate this auspicious day the establishments of Manchester will be going all out - most noticeable of which will be The Whiskey Jar in the NQ who will be throwing around some FREE whiskey flights to the first 50 customers through their doors between 3pm and 5pm. Cheers.
That Royal Wedding
Saturday 19th May
Now I'm not going to be all cynical and Republican and start slagging off the Royal Family and how they are scroungers or anything - that's not my style. When I had a bit of a natter with Princess Margaret back at a Buckingham Palace Garden Party in 2008 she was a lovely woman and there's no denying that loads of people love the Royal Family and all of their little lizard faces. Well, one of them is getting married this weekend, as I'm sure you know, and it doesn't seem like the kind of wedding that will feature the usual room-temperature tuna vol-au-vents, kids sliding on their knees on the dancefloor and a bridesmaid cat fight in the car park which you'd come to expect elsewhere. If you want to watch it you can either get pissed watching it on telly with a load of Campari and Sodas or you can head to Albert's Schloss for a right Royal Garten Party. Your choice.
The FA Cup Final – Man Utd v Chelsea
Saturday 19th May
Perhaps you can't stand whiskey and think the Royal Family are a bunch of rich lizards who are secretly planning world domination with the assistance of the NOW. Well don't fret - there's still loads you can do this Saturday. One of those things is to watch Tron Legacy at midday on BBC2 - which features the worst example of a CGI human face since that bit with The Rock at the end of The Mummy Returns. Alternatively, you can watch 22 grown men piss about with a ball on some grass in front of a hundred thousand people - trying to win a big cup that they're probably not even allowed to drink out of. It's the FA Cup and if you want to watch it somewhere with your mates, I recommend The Range and their massive 160-inch screens. Check out their package here...
Girl Gang Manchester: Romy and Michele's High School Reunion
Saturday 19th May
Another one of the Girl Gang's immersive cinema experiences, this showing of Romy and Michele's High School Reunion has so much going on before, during and after that I really do not have the motivation to explain it all. The amount of effort these lot have gone through to make this special is massive, and that's before I even mention the workshops that are on as well. Basically, as a lazy man I'm just going to give you the link to The Lowry's ticket page, so you can read everything that's happening and then if you want a ticket - you can buy it there. It's worth it just for the film which is absolutely ridiculous and a proper good laugh. It was directed by that geezer who's produced The Simpsons for years - David Mirkin - whose last name is also the name for a pubic wig. Gutted.
Great Manchester Run
Sunday 20th May
It's the Great Manchester Run on Sunday so if you're not running in it or watching it, you might have some trouble getting about town. Probably best if you just stayed in your house or garden or just nip to the local shop for a few tins of Strongbow and some Space Raiders. For those who are participating, you'll probably be proper fucked so the establishments of the city will be on hand to provide you with some booze and food. Of note, Hatch will be offering 20% off anyone will a medal - grab a Yadda Yadda Kebab and get those calories back on. That'll make you feel better. Don't walk around the city in your gear all day though. Change. Please change.
Meet The Brewery with Beavertown at Volta
Monday 21st May
When I used to live in Walthamstow I would ride my bike through Tottenham every day and always long to pop into the Beavertown Brewery building and get leathered. I never did though, a little bit because I was afraid but mostly because I was a lonely boy-lonely boy in London and didn't have anyone to go with. Well I now have the chance to do what I couldn't do then as the Beavertown crew head on down to Volta this Monday for a 'Meet the Brewery' event. There'll be plenty of their beers available to get down your gullet, as well as some more exclusive and weird offerings I suspect. It will also give you the chance to chat some beer banter to the brewers - boring them with your mundane anecdotes and incorrect information.
Scottee: Fat Blokes
From Tuesday 22nd – Thursday 24th May
There are so many darbies knocking around my group of mates now that most of us have just given up and decided to embrace the flab. Even in the Finest office, heartthrob Steven has developed a rather nasty looking paunch which looks a lot like Quato in Total Recall but without any of the charm. Similarly, James has developed such a barrel that he actually looks forward to the moments when he has food poisoning so he loses a bit of weight and can fit into his striped t-shirts. It's all fine though because this week sees ‘Scottee: Fat Blokes’ come to HOME which looks to celebrate the 'dad bod' with a dance show about "flab, double chins and the men they are attached to". Sounds brilliant - I'll be there - eating some Space Raiders most likely.
Tap & Tapas at Sandinista
Wednesday 23rd May
Sandinista are continuing their Spanish Tap Takeover with a lovely pairing event this Wednesday which sees them bang together 5 tapas dishes and 5 paired Spanish beers for £30. The tapas dishes look proper good with the likes of Calamari, Seared Iberico pork, Slow cooked pig cheek and Churros - all there to enjoy with a range of Spanish beers that you'd struggle to get anywhere outside of Madrid. There will also be a beer expert on hand to talk you through the pairings, why those beers were chosen for that dish and probably exactly how you can become a 'beer expert' in the first place. I wonder if he puts that on his CV? Anyway, you can buy tickets below or get more information here.