Things to do in Manchester this week: 21st – 27th September 2018

It's everyone's favourite time of the week. A time when most people flick quickly through a list of inane events happening in the city over the next 7 days, ignoring the badly structured sentences and idiotic comments.

This week is no different. There’s some right drivel in here but also a couple of corkers. Check it out…

The Boozy Boys Bottomless Brunch at Dive NQ
Saturday 22nd September
I’m quite clearly abusing my position here and promoting a Finest event, but it’s much more interesting than the usual paired dinner that gets banded around and should be rather a lot of fun. First I should say that you don’t have to be a ‘boy’ to go to this brunch. We’re just being sexist for alliteration, and my suggestion to call it The Boozy Boys and Birds Bottomless Brunch didn’t go down well. For £20 you’ll have yourself a merry time with a lovely Brunch dish from Dive NQ (go for the hash I say), alongside unlimited fries, unlimited fizzy lager and plenty of sports on the massive screen down there. If you’re not pissed up and so full that you’ve had to unbutton your boxers – you’ve failed and can never call yourself a ‘boy’ ever again.

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Shania Twain: Now Tour
Saturday 22nd September
The woman who isn’t impressed with anything is going to have a brilliant time in Manchester. Not only are our streets certainly not paved with gold like they are in London, but she’ll most likely be greeted by the sight of 6 spiced-up homeless fellas about 5 minutes after getting off the Megabus from Texas. In the unlikely event that Shania actually reads this, perhaps just mere minutes before going on stage at the Manchester Arena – Shania, do you fancy a bevvie? I’ve got a brilliant discount card for the Odeon cinema from when I used to work there so I’ll take you to watch Mamma Mia 2 and I’ll even buy you the biggest pot of Ben & Jerry’s you’ve ever seen. What do you reckon?

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Absolute Shite @ Ruby Lounge
Saturday 22nd September
Even though they say the exact opposite, Absolute Shite is not shite at all – it is in fact – fucking brilliant. The reason I think they’ve called it Absolute Shite is because most people nowadays like to show off their music tastes on Spotify and Snapchat and Instagram and Scrudge, bragging that they know the latest trendy singer or rapper or have tickets for a super intimate gig with a band who like to swear a lot. Nobody is keen to say that they enjoy the musings of Vanilla Ice, or find Peter Andre’s Mysterious Girl to be a true work of art. Well fuck it – I’m a big fan and enjoy nothing more than dancing like a dick to the kind of songs that you’d find on the iTunes playlist of a particularly excellent wedding DJ. I’ll see you on the dancefloor!

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Edit. 03: Homebird by DJ Paulette at The Lowry
From Saturday 22nd September
I spent approximately 5 hours interviewing the lovely DJ Paulette a couple of months back for our mEats video series and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. Not only did I discover that she can eat a yoghurt without using a spoon, I also found out that she had an art exhibition coming up at The Lowry entitled ‘Homebird’. So from Saturday Paulette will be taking over one of the galleries, turning it into an immersive mood board of her life and influences. There’ll be issues of race, sexuality, gender, art and of course music…

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Wes Anderson Movie Marathon @ Stockport Plaza
Sunday 23rd September
Many would consider his movies to be brilliant. Others would consider them to be beautiful. Some people consider them to be absolute shite. If you’re in one of the first two categories then you are in for a treat, if you’re in the last one – perhaps just stay at home and watch the repeat of X Factor on ITV2 instead. I’m talking about Wes Anderson films, and this Sunday sees the Stockport Plaza play host to a movie marathon which includes Rushmore, The Royal Tenenbaums, Darjeeling Limited and The Life Aquatic. By the end of the marathon you might be a little Bill Murray’ed out but fear not – pop the Ghostbusters 2 VHS on when you get in and you’ll be back to loving him again in no time.

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David Cross – Oh Come On
Tuesday 25th September
One of the many brilliant things about TV’s Arrested Development, David Cross’ Tobias Fünke has turned into a legitimate phenomenon – especially amongst all of those pipsqueaks on the Internet who furiously bash away at their keyboards and on Microsoft Paint and create memes. David Cross himself is probably nothing like Tobias, except for the fact that they look strangely similar to each other, and to be fair – I’ve never met the lad so can neither confirm or deny any true similarities. I can’t even be bothered looking up a video of his stand up on YouTube, but I’m 73% sure that he’s funny. He’s also playing at the Dancehouse on Oxford Road – which is a brilliant place that needs using more.

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MCR Student Social
Tuesday 25th September
Back when I was still a student in 2006 I would spend all of my hard earned money on booze. In those days buying booze was a real treat, especially when you could purchase a bottle of generic vodka from the Sainos in Fallowfield for a measly £6. The label was just plain white with the word VODKA printed in black across the front. No barcodes or anything. It tasted like vomit but it got you drunk. Nowadays it’s a much more complex affair, and due to those dick head politicians sticking their noses in where it doesn’t belong – much more expensive. So students need to save money elsewhere, which is where the Student Social comes in. Basically all of the shops in the city centre offer student discounts for one night only, alongside loads of free goodies and giveaways and giggles. It’s much better than revising or reading one of them massive expensive textbooks so you might as well go.

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Rock of Ages
From Tuesday 25th September
I watched the film Rock of Ages one time and one time only. I was extremely drunk and cannot really remember much apart from a terrible wig on Alec Baldwin and Tom Cruise’s very taut torso. I seem to remember it being a bit gash, but when I’m drunk all I ever want to watch is Tremors with Kevin Bacon and nothing else will suffice. The musical has been doing pretty well on Broadway and the West End for bloody years now – so they must be doing something right. It starts up at the Opera House this week and they promise an ‘LA love story lavished with over 25 classic rock anthems’. Expect leather fingerless gloves, men’s nipples and a lot of hairspray.

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The Rocket Returns to the Science & Industry Museum
From Tuesday 25th September
The Rocket is coming back to the city! And when I say rocket I’m not referring to some sort of NASA experiment or indeed an influx of little bits of grass that go perfectly with a bit of steak – no, it’s Stevenson’s Rocket, one of the most famous trains ever (after Thomas and that ghost one from Ghostbusters 2). Wikipedia tells me that the train was one of the earliest steam locomotives and was the first train used on the Liverpool & Manchester Railway, the station of which is still in the Science Museum today. It’s been 180 years since it’s been in Manchester so head on down from Tuesday to have a look at it.

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Ping Pong Fight Club @ Gorilla
Wednesday 26th September
If you fancy yourself as a bit of a Forrest Gump character, this event will be right up your street. No, it doesn’t involve shrimp, running or getting shot in the arse, although if you really want to make the night a good one, I could probably sort all of those things out for you. No, it’s all about ping pong, or table tennis or bouncy, bouncy, ball, ball as they call it in the deepest, darkest parts of Rochdale. The Fight Club will feature a night of all things ping pong including Beer Pong, a ping pong robot challenge, VR ping pong and even a massive Ping Pong Tournament where teams compete against each other with the winners getting a super special prize. I don’t know what the prize is though – probably ‘RESPECT’.

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Miranda Sawyer at Electrik
Wednesday 26th September
One Deck Wednesday at Electrik is always a pretty decent night and every month they have themselves a super special guest turn up and give the deck a run for its money. This week sees Miranda Sawyer turn up and so not only can you expect some pretty top tunes, you can also expect it to be pretty busy. If you don’t know who Miranda Sawyer is – just look at the picture above. Still not ringing any bells? Well, she is a journalist and arts presenter who started her career at the highly respected magazine Smash Hits and then moved onto The Face, Time Out and The Observer. She’s worked for BBC Radio 6 Music, interviewed pretty much everyone in the music industry and will surely know a thing or two about what records to play. In case I haven’t mentioned it yet – it’s FREE too!

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Cirque du Soleil OVO
From Wednesday 26th September
Back in the day the circus usually involved a load of dodgy looking blokes with no teeth rolling into town, setting up a little fun fair, putting on some make up and juggling with fire for a bit. Somewhere along the way though Cirque du Soleil turned up and basically turned it all into a super flashy affair complete with Russian gymnasts who can wrap their legs up their arse, tight-rope walkers who are more agile than a cat who’s trained to be a ninja and in the case of OVO, a load of people dressed as bugs messing about with massive bits of fruit. I’m not sure what the story is – probably a cross between A Bugs Life and Antz but with much more stretching and jumping. It’s hitting up the Manchester Arena from Wednesday.

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Manchester Food and Drink Festival
Starts Thursday 27th September
One of the biggest festivals in the city’s calendar, the MFDF is perfect for anyone who enjoys eating food and drinking drinks – which is pretty much everyone who is of woman born. There’s a massive list of stuff going on, both around the city in various establishments but also in and around the Festival Hub – a big bloody tent in the centre of Albert Square. I’m particularly looking forward to Cottonopolis’ Battle Royale Supper Club, the Spanish Feast with Lunya, Baratxuri, Evuna & Porta and being able to get my mouth round some of Grandad’s Sausages in the street food bit. Check out the full programme below:

Programme

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