Ultimate Power @ The Ritz
Friday 23rd February
Once again Ultimate Power is on at The Ritz and once again Ben Brown is writing about it on these very pages. If you’re a fan of proper power ballads, glitter and fist pumping then this is going to be the best night of your life. They always do a load of Meat Loaf, Purple Rain gets banged out and there’s the distinct possibility that you’ll meet me on the dancefloor and get the chance to punch me in my stupid little face for slagging off your favourite band in one of my rambling articles. Or you could buy me a double vodka and coke and I’ll sing to you really loudly and really badly. Your choice.
Werewolves Movie Marathon
Saturday 24th February
When it comes to werewolves, I think it’s safe to say that they are a pretty shite monster. First of all, they only come out on a full moon, which is only around 2 days a month, meaning they have to spend the other 28 days unclogging their plug hole of hairs, picking up discarded chunks of meat, chasing cars and gnawing on the postman’s ankle. In movie terms, there’s some stinker werewolf flicks out there – especially that one called ‘Wolf’ starring Jack Nicholson which manages to make turning into a massive fucking dog seem like the most mundane and boring experience ever. Not boring though is An American Werewolf in London, which is showing at the Odeon as part of a werewolf night. The evening also includes the North West premier of ‘Another Wolfcop‘ which just looks absolute tripe. But in a good way.
Saturday 24th & Sunday 25th February
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – I just don’t trust these kinds of events. Held at Bowlers in Trafford, I’m always expecting an MEN article on Monday, explaining (with exclamation marks!) that the queues at the event were so long that one bloke flew to Berlin to buy a pint and still got back before his mate got served. Perhaps this one will be different – we’ll see. This CheeseFest is also surprisingly scarce on information – except that people should expect to be able to eat, drink, taste and presumably wallow in all kinds of cheese. This is seemingly enough information for people because it’s almost sold out – although there’s still a few tickets available for the Sunday.
humansbeingdigital @ The Lowry
Ends Sunday 25th February
This weekend is your last chance to catch humansbeingdigital at The Lowry, and although they have decided to shun any form of grammar or even spaces between the letters, it’s actually an interesting set of exhibits that aim to examine the relationship between humans and machines. One of them is imaginatively called ‘Machine with hair caught in it’, which features a machine, with hair caught in it. I’m not able to really do it all justice so check out this brilliantly copy-and-pasted piece from Steven right here, which explains it all in much better detail.
Icons of the 80s – Go West, Nik Kershaw & Cutting Crew
Sunday 25th February
It must be hard being a pop star. On top of the world with thousands of women screaming your name wherever you go, travelling the world with sex on tap and being able to bring home bare till when all you’re doing is singing, playing a guitar and prancing around like a pissed-up albatross on stage. When it all ends though you’re stuck touring the country as part of S Club 3, waving at students in clubs and getting Nutella smeared underpants thrown at your head. I suppose it’s not as bad as that with Go West, Nik Kershaw & Cutting Crew who were all massive in the 80’s and are playing at the Palace Theatre this Sunday. They’ll probably still have girls screaming their names and wanting to get off with them, it’s just now they’ll be looking at the arse end of 50 instead of 21.
Jimmy Osmond Moon River & Me Tour
Monday 26th February
I’m not sure how many Osmond’s there are out there but one of the little fellas is coming to the Stockport Plaza this Monday to take part in an Andy Williams tribute night. So you can expect songs like Moon River, Can’t Get Used to Losing You, and that one where he sits on a wall with a Gregg’s pasty and watches Girls Go By like some filthy pervert. Most likely wolf whistling at them as the go past and saying stuff like “Alright darling, show us your ankles” – but in the voice of an angel. I know Jimmy isn’t Donny but he’s the perfect route to getting your foot in the door if you want to meet him, kiss him and imprison him in your make-shift dungeon in the shed.
Curated by Stanley Chow
Starts Wednesday 28th February
Artist and illustrator Stanley Chow has been making some serious dollar flogging his pictures of famous people’s faces illustrated in his distinct style and will now be taking his wares to the National Football Museum to show off even more. Showcasing his new work, he’s picked his all-time top 11 footy team, drawn them, coloured them in and popped them in some Ikea frames for all to see. I’ve not been bothered looking at who is in his top 11 but if Dennis Irwin isn’t in there – I’ll be angry. Gary Mabbutt should be there too. Oh, and Ian Dowie. I’m basically just naming the ugliest footballers I can think of – probably because it would make for more interesting art.
Rock the Mic @ Pen and Pencil
Thursday 1st March
Oh my days! It’s karaoke! What a lot of fun that is! We can all sit down with a binder from WHSmith, full of obscure shite songs, choose one and make an absolute tool of ourselves on a little stage while trying to read off a tiny little telly. Perhaps someone can do that exciting little microphone twirl that people like so much too. Well Pen & Pencil’s version is much, much better. Basically, they’ve hired a band and so instead of standing up on stage all on your own like an emo that’s just been dumped, you can proper rock out while singing, looking like one of your favourite bands that you see on the telly on a Saturday night with Ant & Dec.